Living in St Kilda I often see a girl or a guy walking the streets in what is clearly last night’s outfit and with what is clearly sex hair. There’s no hiding the fact it’s the dreaded Walk of Shame (or Pride, depending who you ask). That early morning dash from a stranger’s house in a suburb that sometimes can be completely foreign to you. It’s embarrassing, but I think it can be avoided. Taking into consideration that you wake up and actually like the person lying next to you, you could suggest a little morning date. I’m sure you’ll be hungover so coffee and breakfast is what you’ll be craving most. What you also want is a quiet and discrete cafe where you won’t be judged. They say a problem shared is a problem halved so here’s a way of luring your lover to walk with you and save the embarrassment of that lone walk of shame.
St Kilda
My home town and it could almost be the home of the Walk of Shame. St Kilda is also the home of cafes, but most of them are along main strips, are very loud and are certainly not the place for a sneaky morning-after-date. Ok, so Brighton Road might seem busy, but it’s mostly cars driving well above the speed limit, so you’ll be nothing but a blur to their non-prying eyes. A few doors down from the disco-lights of the Greyhound Hotel, sits a quaint little cafe called St Kilda Dispensary. Back in the 1940’s this shop was a dispensary, with a doctor’s surgery and a dentist. After researching the history of the shop, the owners ran with that theme and now the cafe has a retro-surgery fit out that’s full of vintage medical trinkets. It’s very cool and all of it actually creates a relaxing ambience that would be ideal for a morning date. It has a reasonably priced breakfast & brunch menu that runs until 3pm, so even if you blew most of your money the night before you should still be able to shout the meal.
It could just be what the doctor ordered. That and maybe the morning–after-pill and an STD check. (Neither of which you will find on the menu here.)
Richmond
Richmond is a promiscuous town, full of pubs, bars and single young things. I’m sure there are many of you who have woken up in Richmond after a boozy night at the Depot (or Precinct), the Swan or maybe these days the Richmond Club Hotel. Again, Richmond has plenty of cool cafes to choose from, but most will be too busy on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Hidden in the backstreets of Richmond where New Street meets York Street is funnily enough, New York Tomato. Entering through the garage roller door you’ll find a cool cafe with a lovely little courtyard, but don’t fear if there are no seats, because you’ll be able to slip upstairs to a discrete table away from any nosey neighbours.
Order a coffee, a tasty jaffle and maybe a Bloody Mary to help you try and rack your brain for the person’s name who is currently sitting across from you.
Flemington
Come Spring time, Flemington crawls with the crumpled suits and dusty wedges of racing season Walks of Shame. The races do bring the worst out in people, and inevitably you might find yourself waking up in Flemington in your racing attire with absolutely no recollection of how you got there. Away from the unsuspecting eyes of Flemington’s breakfasting families, is the appropriately named Mama Bear, a cafe in an old converted warehouse that serve a mean breakfast that will surely cure what ails you. The chilled out vibe with eclectic furniture and knick-knacks makes it spot on for a late breakfast or brunch with someone you know nothing about.
The graffiti on the walls keeps the old people away, so rest assured, if anyone does notice you haven’t been home they’ll probably just give you an approving nod and wish it were them.
- St Kilda Dispensary – 13 Brighton Road St Kilda
- New York Tomato – 6 New Street Richmond
- Mama Baba – 526 Racecourse Road Flemington
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